Communication:
Good communication is always needed when in a scene in the BDSM lifestyle. Being able to speak clearly, specifically, and to be able to get right to the point. Fumbling around with words or hinting at what you are saying is a good sign of lack of control. Giving instructions are easier to follow if made crystal clear.
Compassion:
A Domme should be compassionate. Cares about her submissive, friends, and family. She will take the time to listen and respond to the needs of others. She is not selfish nor does she think the world revolves around her.
Consistent:
When giving instructions or requests it should never be conflicting. Always sticking to ones guns even when faced with a tuff situation. One should give equal punishment for equal offenses, and equal rewards when pleased by their submissive.
Control:
A Domme should at no time lose control upon Her submissive. Never to become angry and then turn to punish her submissive. If she feels the temper over whelming her, take a walk and get some fresh air. Even though she should be able to control that anger, there are maybe times when it does become too much for even her to handle. Besides, a Domme that can not control her self is not going to be able to control a bratty submissive.
Creative:
Putting time, energy, and creativity in ones scenes will most likely insure that the scene will not become more of a routine between the submissive and Domme. Going that extra mile to come up with different ways to please her submissive. Why get use to the same ole same ole. Next thing you know, the submissive will be telling the Domme what to do next for she will have done it so many times.
Human:
All of us are human. We will all make mistakes. Just cause you're the Domme does not make you prone to saying sorry for the wrong you may have done. No one will look upon you as any less of a Domme for doing so. They might look on you with even a bit more respect if you do. On the other hand, knowing that a submissive may do wrong as well and you might need to punish that submissive for that wrong they have done. The key word would be forgiveness. Put it behind you when they have shown they understand their wrong and what to do to make them selves better, so that the wrong they may have done will not happen again.
Judgment:
Humiliation and judgment are way two different things. One should never pass judgment on her submissive just cause the task asked of them maybe too much. There may come a time when you--- your self is called to do something and find yourself unable to do so. That doesn't make you any less of a person.
Respect:
Being human, we all should respect each other to a point and give it as well. Doesn't matter if you are a Domme or a submissive, the respect works both ways. One that gives will get more then the one who does not. Always stand tall and take pride in who you are and what you believe in and feel. Take care of your self and those around you. For one who does not respect them selves will not respect others!!
Safety:
A Domme worth playing with is always safe. She is aware of the damage she can cause a submissive and does her best to prevent harm. Taking that extra time to make sure the safety of her submissive is good as well as her own. Learn more about what could happen and practicing time and time again. You may know what you are doing but it is always good to keep looking into the issue a little deeper. Would rather be safe then dead or in jail. Technique - A good Domme works on her play technique. She knows how to use her toys and practices frequently. She will read the latest books and talks to others in the scene. An effective Domme might even test her toys on herself before she uses them on her sub.
Thorough:
An effective Domme is thorough. She directs a scene from start to finish to better allow her submissive to achieve subspace. She takes away all distractions and decisions telling her submissive what position she desires what needs she wants fulfilled, and how this is best accomplished.
Trust:
A Domme should never do anything to her submissive if the submissive is not comfortable in doing so. Everybody has their limits and a Domme should not try and push past her submissive limits unless agreed upon it. Let them know they can trust and they will give that trust in return.
Understanding:
Seeing how we can never really tell what is going to happen, no matter as much as we plan, being understanding is another big factor. Things something happen out of our hands and if so, one should not punish her submissive with out good reason. No body is perfect.
©Reigen Du Coly
Contact Information
Feel free to email us if you have any suggestions or comments. We welcome all comments from our readers. Many thanks.
E-mail: webmaster@seekers.org.uk
External Links
Disclaimer
D/s seekers contains adult oriented sexual material that covers many issues relating to BDSM. Please leave NOW if you are under 18 years of age or are offended by such material. The management ask that you please exercise all caution in using any information found in any links, posts or in the website of D/s seekers. Any material placed here is believed to be either authored by the owners, or shared with permission.